Void in His Heart
by jazziisms
Summary: Lately, he's been feeling a lot of things he shouldn't. Arusasha. Requested by anonymous.


Requested by anonymous on tumblr. I'm starting to love this pairing much more than I should.

* * *

She always represented positivity. Warm and bright and lights up a room when she enters it. Or rather, that's just how he has always seen her. She's the icebreaker of the group, she and Connie. They always find a way to make the atmosphere bearable, fill the dread in his heart with a little bit of hope in dire situations. But she is far from perfect, just like him. She is loud. She is greedy when she is hungry. She chews with her mouth open when she talks. She speaks during inappropriate times. She freezes up when she's scared.

Just like him, she's human. She has her strengths, her flaws, and self doubt.

Just like him, she's underestimated. By their peers, by their superiors. By herself.

They've both changed since they first met. A lot. He can see it in the loss of light in her eyes, replaced by empty, chocolate hues that have witnessed so much. Experienced _so many horrors._ She doesn't walk the same. She doesn't talk the same. ( Her natural dialect suites her much better, he thinks. She's being herself. It's good. ) Staring into space is common and when she's not fighting or cleaning or eating, that's what she does.

But she's been staring at him, albeit frequently as of late. He's not bothered by her staring. He begins to wonder why. Does she view him as a monster now, because of what he's done? How much does she remember?

He's looking back at her one evening, when they're sitting on top of the wall with the others. There's space between him and Eren. Strain.

With her arm in a sling, she gets up from her spot next to Connie and Jean and pads over to sit with him instead.

"What's wrong with you?" she starts off bluntly.

Armin blinks. "Excuse me?"

"You and Eren can't hold a conversation and you smell funny."

"I'm...sorry? I haven't exactly had time to bathe."

"No, no, no. Not that kind of odor. It's like…" Sasha leans in and sniffs him closely, starting from his shoulder all the way up to his neck. The action brings discomfort and awkwardness, and he leans away. A skeptical eyebrow lifts on his end.

"Like what?" he inquires.

"Anxiety," she decides, sitting up straight. "You reek of anxiety."

"I'm not anxious."

"Yes, you are."

"You can't smell emotions. It's impossible."

"Hey!" She points her finger at him, and he can feel her soft fingertip lightly boop his nose. "Don't you insult my sense of smell. I'm a hunter. I know things."

"You're silly," he states matter-of-factly, taking her hand off his face.

He's surprised when she doesn't let go. Instead, she curves her hand around his, letting their limbs rest between their knees. Her gaze softens. Becomes earnest. "Armin?"

"Yes?"

"I want you to be okay."

Armin presses his lips together.

"I don't want things to change between us," Sasha continues, tightening her hold. "We've survived this long together. Barely. But we're still here! That's gotta be something, right? We can't give up on each other now."

He assumes that she's speaking for the whole group, but he knows that there's more meaning behind it. She wants Eren to be okay. She wants Mikasa to be okay. She wants _everyone to be okay_ , as if _nothing's_ _changed._

"Yeah," he murmurs.

He says nothing more on the subject, but their fingers remain entwined.

.

Heat. So much heat.

He remembers screaming. Levi's command. The worried look on Sasha's face before he makes the brave dive, blunt teeth tearing into sensitive flesh. Everything is red and it burns, like fire.

 _"Armin...Armin!"_

Her voice sounds distant the first time. Frustratingly muffled, like she's holding him underwater and trying to speak to him.

But the second time is like finally coming up for air, his lungs screaming in protest, inhaling deeply as he's pulled from the nape. The arms around him are familiar, hands soft but sturdy, and he barely manages to open an eye.

 _Sasha._

Sasha, with her bow and arrow thrown aside, holds him in her arms protectively, eyes searching him closely for any sign of injury or peril. There is none, other than the heat marks on his face. He'll heal.

"Wh...did I do it?" he rasps, head lolling back on her shoulder blade.

"Yes," she sighs in relief, brushing his hair back with her finger. "You did it, Armin. You saved us."

The last thing he sees is Jean and Connie running for them. Mikasa is with Eren, no doubt, but he passes out before he could spot them.

.

He cuts his hair because it's getting long. Eren would have said something about it if he was around.

Life is difficult, but Armin takes it day by day. He's faced the fact that he's growing apart from the two people he loved the most in this world ( and he still does, very much so; he misses them so much he _aches_ ). It's been two years. Two whole years since the discovery in the basement and he's still in the Survey Corps. They've drafted quite a few familiar soldiers in that span of time: Rico Brzenska, Hitch Dreyse, and the freed Annie Leonhardt to name a few. With Hange as commander, the position of the SC's tactician has befallen to him and talk of Hange looking to Jean as her successor has been going around for a while now.

He's still a member of Captain Levi's squad. He, Sasha, Jean, Connie, Mikasa, and Eren are still very much alive. They still work together, now better than ever, but that is only on the battlefield. Behind closed doors, Eren and Mikasa are always together. The two have had their own brief strain but Armin should have known it wouldn't have lasted long. His best guess is that someone finally confessed and now they live each day as if it's their last.

The one who's been by his side through it all was Sasha. _Sasha._ Out of _all_ people. And it's not a bad thing at all. He understands why Jean and Connie refuse to _"take sides"_ , so to speak. They care about him, Eren, and Mikasa so much that they don't want to get themselves involved. Hell, even Annie has shown some concern.

But Sasha... _She's_ the one who looks for him as soon as the smoke clears. _She's_ the one who waits for him in the mornings so they can walk to breakfast together. _She's_ the one who offers to train with him because she's always looking for improvement in herself. _She's_ the one who hears him at night, even when his tears are as silent as they come, and slips inside his room just to keep him company. _She_ fills the void in his heart and he will always be grateful for her. There's nothing he can do to truly repay her.

When she's whisked away with Levi for something confidential ( and requires her skillset, he assumes ), _that's_ when he realizes how much she's impacted his life. He's so used to her being around that her _not_ being around really throws him off. The days go by slowly. They turn into weeks. Weeks and weeks.

"She'll come back," Connie reassures him one day while they sit together on the bench outside. It's sunset. "She always comes back."

Armin smiles wryly, releases a soft chuckle. "You're so optimistic."

Connie shrugs. "Somebody's gotta do it while she's away."

The blond grips his friend's shoulder. "Never change."

She returns the following afternoon, almost twenty four hours later to be exact. He's not keeping track or anything.

Connie's outburst of, "There they are!" not only has Armin knocking over his seat, but he's out of the dining area before everyone else is, pushing the wooden double doors open to stumble outside and into the setting sunlight.

And there she is, looking grimy and a bit bruised, her hair out of its ponytail, walking with a limp - _but she is alright._ Levi, Hitch, and Rico all look to be mostly unharmed as well, a few bruises here, some cuts there, but they are okay.

"Sasha…" he breathes.

As if she heard him - and actually, chances are she probably did because he doesn't doubt her at this point - her head snaps up _immediately._ Those brown eyes of hers widen at the sight of him and the way her face just _lights up_ gives him a warm feeling in his chest. You'd think she'd go for Connie first, or Jean even. But no.

She goes straight to _him._

"Hey," she greets with a happy sigh as they reached each other, arms throwing themselves around his neck.

"Hey." Affection is reciprocated in full, his wrapping around her back and hugging her close; one hand slipping into her hair. It just comes so natural to him now that he thinks nothing of it.

She buries her face in his shoulder blade, closing her eyes. "I missed you," she murmurs quietly.

His response is just as soft. "I missed you too."

He doesn't want this to end, and it startles him. He doesn't care that the others are watching them. All that matters is her. She is here and safe, and with him.

Sasha pulls away first, pink lips curving up enthusiastically as she cups his cheeks with her hands. "You cut your hair!"

"Heh, yeah…" Armin smiles sheepishly, cheeks reddening under her palms.

"It looks so good!"

"T-Thanks."

 _"Sasha!"_

 _"Connie!"_

And just like that, the spell is broken. Sasha slams into Connie's arms, nearly knocking him over in the process, and he laughs and twirls her around.

Armin looks away.

.

"Sash?"

"What's up?"

They sit together in the infirmary, towards the back of the room by the large window that gives a breathtaking few of the night. Armin is looking after Sasha, having brought his own first aid kit just in case her injuries were worse than he suspected ( he's always prepared these days ). He heals faster than she does, and he's more worried than he probably should be.

Lately, he's been feeling a lot of things he shouldn't.

He spends a little too much time wrapping her hand with his gauze wrap; perhaps a little too tender, yet hesitant. "Why are you so nice to me?"

She doesn't understand. "What do you mean? I'm always nice to you."

"Yeah, but...it's different now. It's been different for a long time." He doesn't meet her eyes as he tells her this, because he fears they are a window to his soul and will give away everything. "I never got around to thanking you for all that you've done for me. You didn't have to."

"But I wanted to. I still want to."

"Why?"

"Huh?"

"Why me?"

She tilts her head to the side. "Why not? Armin, you continue to doubt yourself and your self worth, and I really hate that. Don't you see how important you are?"

"Not really, no," he admits. "Not all the time anyway…"

"Ugh, you and Eren need to kiss and make up already."

"It's more complicated than that, Sasha."

"Why does it have to be? If you're still blaming Eren and Mikasa for the selfish decision they made to keep you alive, I outta smack you in the head."

"That's not -"

"Ah - ah - ah! No excuses. You guys are making up first thing in the morning. I _will_ carry you if I have to."

"Sasha…"

"Carry. You!"

He's smiling before he can stop himself. Finishing up her hand, he pushes his kit further to the side and scoots a little closer. "Okay. I'll try talking to them. For you."

Sasha blushes, but her voice is firm. "Good!"

On the other side of the room, Annie sits next to a sleeping Jean, holding his hand in both of hers as she watches over him closely. Armin observes them from where he sits, smile slowly dropping from his features altogether.

Sasha watches them too.

"Will you stay with me?" she asks, letting the tips of her fingers brush against his.

"Until you fall asleep?" He looks over at her, raising an eyebrow. He doesn't mind. He'll have to find a chair somewhere around here.

"Well, er, no. I, uh...I meant…" Sasha chews down on her bottom lip, heat rising in her cheeks. "Could you…?" And she begins to shift to the left, making room for him as a result. The rest of her request falls on silent ears, but he knows exactly what she's implying.

It wouldn't be the first time they do this, but...it's still, ah, _intimate._

"S-Sure," he stammers, and it comes out in a whisper. He gets up from the bed so he can lift the sheets, only sliding in next to her after she gives the okay with a shy nod.

"Thanks," she smiles at him timidly.

"No problem." His answering smile is just as so.

"It's like we're having a sleepover." Sasha giggles.

"What usually happens during sleepovers?" he queries.

"Well, at sleepovers you usually eat a lot and gossip and sleep, but I guess it depends on who you ask."

"I'm guessing you do the eating and sleeping part."

"Yep! Back at the trainee corps, Mina and Ymir would usually initiate the teasing and stuff. Mikasa never wanted to participate in any of the girly stuff like talk about boys or brush each other's hair." Her eyes twinkle. "But she let me brush her hair once. It was awesome. I truly felt like we bonded."

"I'm sure you did."

"You would've fit right in."

"Why, because of my frail appearance?" He's been mistaken for his gender more than once.

"No way! All of the girls thought you were cute."

Armin starts. "M-Me?"

"Yes, you. They never thought you were weak or anything like that. They always talked about how nice you were and how willing you were to help others!" Sasha leans in slightly. "And you _still_ don't think you're awesome?"

He shrugs, albeit sheepish.

The silence that follows is comfortable. This time, Sasha is watching Annie and Jean, while Armin is watching _her._

"Say, Armin…"

"Yes?"

"Can you promise me something?"

"What is it?"

"You'll take me with you when you go to the ocean. No matter what, you'll achieve your dream and nobody can take that away from you." And maybe, just maybe, she wants to be a part of his dream too.

He can't promise that he'll survive this ongoing war. He can't promise her that he'll take her to a place he doesn't know if he'll ever reach. But at the same time, he doesn't want to let her down. Ever.

So he whispers, "I promise," and it's enough. For now.


End file.
